I'm sitting on Dan's couch, while he sleeps in the armchair, with nothing better to do than post here. He invited me over to watch The Blair Witch Project, and then promptly fell asleep halfway through. He loves these kind of movies. I don't see how he can be so into stuff like this, and yet get so bothered by the thought of walking in the woods at night. This bothers me. Knowing something's out there, watching you, and you can't do a thing about it? I'll pass.
Also, I'm apparently failing to meet his expectations with this whole blog thing. He still thinks opening up to strangers on the internet about the whole night terrors issue will help. I'm not convinced, but he's not going to get off my back until I at least make an attempt.
So. Night terrors. It's not a thing most people ever deal with, and most people that have them only have them as children. It doesn't happen every night, but it happens often enough that it interferes with my sleep cycle.
I know what's going on during them. It's not like I'm in a trance or anything. Rationally, I know I'm safe, that everything I'm experiencing is in my head, but for some reason this doesn't matter. I wake up and I'm screaming and the sounds of my own screams just scare more more, and there's something in the room, something watching me, even though I know there isn't. There can't be. I'm alone, and yet I can't stop screaming. Sometimes I thrash around, as if I can fight off whatever is so terrifying that my body won't let me sleep. Sometimes I run. There isn't a reason, there isn't a destination, I just have to get away, away from whatever it is that my mind thinks might hurt me. Sometimes this leads me outside, and I'll come to my senses on my front lawn, drenched in sweat and dressed in whatever I fell asleep in, and sometimes it leads me someplace else in my home, and I'll find myself curled up into a ball, maybe in a closet, maybe in my bathtub, clutching my arms around myself as if that will protect me from my own mind.
What's worse is when I can't move at all. I wake up, and there's the same feelings, the same fear. Something is watching me, it's in the room with me and I can't see it, I can't even move. I try so hard to get up, to even open my mouth to scream, just to let the tension out, and often times I can't even do that, so I lay there, staring at my door and expecting any moment to see it open, to see eyes looking back at me from the darkness, until I pass out, because sometimes I can't get myself to breath while I'm like this, either.
So there. Now I've talked about it. Now I sound like a crazy person on the internet. Thanks, Dan.
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